I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are the jesus of drinking
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
