Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
