I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
