So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
