some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
