It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
