I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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