i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
