My nipple is on Facebook.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
