Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
