Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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