I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
