Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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