Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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