What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
