he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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