Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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