4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
