Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
