cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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