During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
