Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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