You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
