so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
