I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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