I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
