are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
