The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
