you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
