you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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