she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
