Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My ATM looks so different sober.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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