I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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