I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
