I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
