ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
