left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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