I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
