i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
