Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
