I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
