All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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