so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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