he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
