btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
