When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
