I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
