Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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