haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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