Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
