there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
