i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
